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Women After Sex
First there was mystery. Why do women want to cuddle and men want to hit the road (after sex), then there was brain scanning and evolutionary psychology, and the mystery was no more. According to a groundbreaking study from the Journal of Sex Research, it would seem that when it comes to post-coital behaviors, men and women could well belong to different planets.
The study begins by presenting the evolutionary perspective of sexual behaviors that we are all more or less familiar with — males have more reproductive power than females, hence, it is an instinctive thing for the preservation of the species that they should frequently seek multiple partners, instead of long-term relationships.
The study becomes much more interesting when scientists start asking men and women, including college girls and boys, who willingly enter into the short-term sexual relationship/one-night-stand arena on a regular basis, how they behave after sex.
According to the results, even girls who are having a one-night-stand want to cuddle and kiss and become anxious about what their male partner is thinking of them, or whether they still find them attractive. On the other hand, the interviewed men largely declared that they usually wanted to eat, urinate or sleep after sex.
Overall, our study demonstrated that post-coital behaviors related to pair-bonding after sex seem to be initiated and preferred by females far more so than by males, and this was the case for not only long-term, but also for short-term, mating.
Interestingly enough, men were found to initiate kissing primarily before sex, while it was mostly women who were responsible for it after sex. The conclusion seems to be that men would be using kissing as a road to sex, while women would be using it as a an emotional display with bonding purposes.
Even when these patterns are obviously not exclusive and genre differences are nowhere near clear-cut in this area, according to the study’s findings, women will bond, while men will satisfy their immediate sexual and non-sexual needs. It would seem that not all of women´s liberation can change what is written in our genetic codes.
References
Hughes SM, & Kruger DJ (2011). Sex differences in post-coital behaviors in long- and short-term mating: an evolutionary perspective. Journal of sex research, 48 (5), 496-505 PMID: 20799133
Campbell, A. (2008). The Morning after the Night Before Human Nature, 19 (2), 157-173 DOI: 10.1007/s12110-008-9036-2
HASELTONU, M., & BUSS, D. (2001). The affective shift hypothesis: The functions of emotional changes following sexual intercourse Personal Relationships, 8 (4), 357-369 DOI: 10.1111/j.1475-6811.2001.tb00045.x
Image via Liv friis-larsen / Shutterstock.
Veronica Pamoukaghlian, MA
Veronica Pamoukaghlian, MA, holds a Masters in Creative Writing. She has directed two documentaries shot in psychiatric wards and a feature documentary about the 77-year old senior Decathlon champion of the world, Raul. Her last production is Monstruo, a short film about non-voluntary euthanasia. She is the CEO of Uruguayan film production company Nektar FIlms. You may visit her blog at The Wander Life20 Responses
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[...] about what their male partner is thinking of them, or whether they still find them attractive. On the other hand, the interviewed men largely declared that they usually wanted to eat, urinate or ….” Here’s a pdf of the cited paper, “Variation in Reproductive Strategies [...]
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These genetic proclivities hold across time & cultures. Women are naturally more discriminating about procreation. Generally, they will produce 420 ova over their reproductive cycle. Young men, on the other hand can produce up to 500 M sperm in 1 ejaculation. In theory, this will allow us to impregnate every woman on the planet at one time!!
And recreation is also a large part of sexual behavior. Just as in human bonded-pairs, there is considerable infidelity in each gender.
Indeed, in so many ways, males & females are far apart. Yet the unique strengths & talents of each, lends itself to potent complimentary partnerships!
Rich
A relative of mine who is actually in the medical field would disagree. A woman produced thousands upon thousands of eggs inside of her over her lifetime.
Plus, I disagree with this article in general because simply, everyone is different. There are women that would hit the road after a one night stand because that is the logical thing to do. Contrary to popular belief, women can use logic (gasp!). Biology or what is supposedly out nature can not compel us to do anything. We have free will!
Nice blog
Odd. This is not what my experience has been like.
I’ve had my share of (mostly outstanding) sex through one of the social sex networks in Germany. I was very clear with my partners (men) that I am not looking for a relationship or basically anything besides sex and initially they all agreed that it was not what they were after as well, however once we met up, they at first wanted to talk forever (and by that I mean roughly 3 hours) before having sex and after sex they not only wanted to cuddle, they also wanted to spend the night at my place or me to stay at theirs (that was one person, we had a bit of a regular sexual relationship). I will not exaggerate when I’ll say that I was shocked by that behavior, I was in it only for the sex and was not interested in long conversations, cuddling, breakfasts, brunches and so on. And all of that came from men I met through a *sex* website.
It must be mentioned that I actually am much more into women than I am into men, so things would look slightly differently with a woman in my bed, nevertheless I felt like I was “the man”, emotionally, in those encounters. It was actually kind of pleasing, I didn’t really want to do much with those guys except enjoy our time between the sheets, but I got a kick out of them wanting more from me and me not wanting to reciprocate. Maybe that’s what a regular guy feels like, eh?
Interesting perspective, Ira.
Thanks for sharing. It certainly opened my mind.
Best,
Veronica
Hi Veronica
It is interesting to read through your article on Women after sex.
I read this for the first time today in the BrainBlogger. I liked your research.
I teach Integrated Marketing Communication in Bangalore India. It is again a world of creativity. What fascinated me more was to know that you are also producing feature film and documentaries. I really like that field as I too am a social worker.
Keep in touch!
Jacob A
Bangalore, India
Ira, would you consider yourself the exception to the ‘rule’?
(The rule being the general mode of this article)
No Adam, because there is no rule. Everyone is different.
It’s easier for men to accept this study as a rule, because they get the better end of the stick. However, this is one study.
They could’ve studied 200 men and women, they could have studied 30. Can’t just accept this stuff at face value.
Plenty of women can do the one night stand just fine. Just like plenty of men prefer relationships. Everyone is different, I don’t believe we really have to obey our instincts to be monogamous or promiscuous, I think we are more complex than that, and can do whatever we want.
He specified what he meant by “rule,” so, yes, there IS a “rule” in terms of what he’s asking. It was a valid question, however much you’d like to dismiss it for semantics.
Here is my theory based on observation only. Sex is biologically and fundamentally about procreation. After sex, for women, the nurturing instinct kicks in immediately. Her concern is for the welfare of the baby. Is her mate going to stick around to take care of them? Can she make him want to? Maybe not but she can’t help trying.
For the man, he’ll need to get on immediately with guarding the family and hunting down some food. Perhaps the purpose of the sleep he falls into after sex is to allow the woman to recognize his ultimate vulnerability thus generating a sense of hope for their future. He’ll need some rest before launching into father mode too. Essentially, it’s all about the new life they just created.
I think I might be a hopeless romantic but that is besides the point.
-Doug
Thank your for your interesting observations.
There is surely a lot of what you mention at play here.
I feel that talking about it, especially men talking about it can help
deepen the connection and minimise the fundamental distance between
our preferred post-coital behaviors.
Thanks for reading,
V
I think the problem here is they asked the men rather than observed them.
My man loves his cuddles. He says he thinks the whole idea men don’t like that is just macho lies by people too cowardly to admit how much they love a good cuddle.
Seeing the bliss in his face as he cuddles me after an orgasm, I get the feeling he is either right, or a woman.
Well said, Sophia. You surely got a point (and a good man!)
Cheers,
V
wow
u r a goood interpreter of psychological results!
well done
nice intresting facts u mentioned, thankyou, excellent work.
You say that this hypothesis does not apply to all couples
It is an interesting article, I am wondering what was the purpose of this research. Also could it be that women started cuddling before the men had the chance to do so? I am also wondering if this is a cultural thing or if it applies to all the cultures?
I must say that this is all very well, and well known about. And yes, there are certain new, emerging social factors that are adjusting roles etc. But I can tell you this much, as a man.
If a man is really into a woman, he will lay and cuddle with her all night, and do anything romantic and even (what some would term) ‘soppy’ things, like speaking in funny voices and calling partners by pet names……. if the man is really into someone, he wants her, and would marry her right there and then/make babies etc.
If a man is just giving into his primal urges (due, perhaps, to having imbibed a bit too much alcohol)and pursuing a woman he would not usually consider as a lifelong partner/mate, it will hit him directly after orgasm subsides (even during orgasm) that he actually has no desire to be there, and will want to run or at least emotionally distance himself.
This probably works both ways, though men are, I imagine, more likely to temporarily let down their personal standards in seeking sexual partners than a woman would.