Alcoholism is a family disease. It always will be. My strong feeling is that the abuser and family members have to be open up and be honest with each other about the abuse going on. I never knew until Lori’s last two years that she was an alcoholic. By then, her liver was beyond repair, and she couldn’t stop a year to receive another one.

Family should be allowed into their counseling to help the abuser face the bad experiences within the family itself. It shouldn’t be decided up with the alcoholic who is too sick to make decisions for themselves. Lori would not talk about it. She “hinted” that something happened with her father, and yet, she adored him, and was lost after his death from the same abuse. I have to live with all the questions and no answers.

We need to “listen” to each other when one is opening up with their pain. Abusers have to be honest first with themselves and then turn to the family for help and support.

If emotional, physical, or sexual abuse happened to someone, they need to forgive. Move on. It doesn’t mean they have to socialize with that person again. Keeping the anger and hurt buried deep inside contaminates the soul. Recovery should cover getting all the “garbage” out of the memories and heart.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful is “one” person could find the answer like Bill did with starting AA.

Unfortunately I just have to accept I cannot drink, whatever the reason is.

In recent years, Batwa pygmies from the Great Lakes region the Central Africa have been beset by a number of factors that are destroying their traditional social structures, culture, and hunter-gatherer existence. The result is a dramatic increase in alcohol abuse, (as well as domestic violence against women), since their traditional cultural mechanisms for dealing with tension and discord have eroded. They are, for lack of a better term “self medicating”. Wasn’t this observed in Native American groups as well?

A Minneapolis VA Medical Center study reported that depression hinders attempts to quit drinking, but did not effect smoking cessation, suggesting that the depression might cause the using of alcohol for self medication.

Dr Gene M Heyman, a research doctor at McLean Hospital, and Harvard lecturer, states in his new book,” Addition: A Disorder of Choice” that addicts respond to incentives. He sites surveys that say that over 70% of addicts quit be not seek clinical help. ” I do not mean to say that someone chooses to be an addict. Rather, they choose to have just one more drink or quit tomorrow. A long enough series of one-more-times makes an addict. Addicts tend to quit when the “hassles” of maintaining their habit become too great.” Asked if addictions have a strong hereditary component? “Yes. We are biological creatures, and even voluntary behavior has a biology, including a genetic background. The question is not whether addiction has a biological basis – it does – but whether its biological basis prevents drug use from coming under the influence of costs and benefits. As it turns out, incentives matter.”

A similar perceptive was put forth in Scientific American Mind, August 2008, in an article titled, Do-It- Yourself Addiction Cures. “Psychologist Reginald Smart of the Center for Addiction and Mental Health in Toronto recently reviewed the findings on the prevalence of self-change efforts among problem drinkers. We draw the following conclusions from his review and from our reading of the literature:

Most of those who change their problem drinking do so without treatment of any kind, including self-help groups.
A significant percentage of self-changers maintain their recovery with follow-up periods of more than eight years, some studies show.
Many problem drinkers can maintain a pattern of nonproblematic moderate use of alcohol without becoming readdicted.
Those who do seek treatment have more severe alcohol and related problems than those who do not.”

And one additional point; Can it be that the tens millions of dollars spent annually to advertise alcohol has some effect on how we relate to alcohol?

The bottom line is there may be no one factor, no one answer. Like with most things, it’s never that easy and we sure stop pretending it is.

My daughter could not open up to me about her past before her death because it was so painful. That is so hard to live with.

I also believe strongly that the Patient Privacy Act should change. I had to listen to counselors tell me that Lori was very emotionally sick and I wasn’t allowed in her counseling because my daughter wouldn’t agree to it. There was no fighting or hostile feeling between us. She feared talking about it. I feel she could have had a 70% change of surviving if we could have talked.

Professional counselors are wonderful opening the door to the alcoholic for hope, but Lori was looking for answers from her past. I had those answers. When the patient is so confused with alcohol taking over their thinking, I think the Privacy Act stops the alcoholic from recovering.

I might not have saved her but I would have lived better with myself knowing I tried to reach her. She hinted to me that something happened with her father. She refused to talk about it. Maybe she feared hurting me or felt guilty. She died at thirty-nine thinking I knew all about the event.

I think we need to look at the emotions more deeply with the sick.

Thank you. – M.

iwugo_m@yahoo.com

All AIESEC’ers greetings from Awka LC.