I’ve been concerned that this repeated mundane existance has passed its usefulness in protecting me. I am concerned that since I am having no new or positive interactions that when I dream, my dreams may well be multiplying my stresses and concerns and reinforcing my general rage. I recently watched a doc. that discussed how in our dreams we re live and process and even resolve issues of the day. So if we have deliberately isolated and controlled our days events because of attitudes, we are doomed to cementing thoughts into mantras. I think maybe reading would be a way to reprogram my thought process. I need something new to think about.. I guess what I am saying is that isolation may be much of the reason for mental illness rather than a result of….

THIS IS BECAUSE MY SCHIZOPHRENIA STARTED AS A SMALL CHILD OF 6 YRS OLD.
I WOULD OFTEN SEE DISTURBING OPEN VIVID HALLUCINATIONS AND HEARD VOICES THAT CONTROLLED ME AND THAT CONSTANTLY TOLD ME THAT THEY WERE GOING TO KILL ME.

IT WAS NOT UNTIL IN MY LATE TEENS THAT I DEVELOPED MAJOR DEPRESSION. IT’S ENTRANCE
IN MY LIFE PRESENTED WITH ME ATTEMPTING SUICIDE AT 19 YEARS OLD. I TOOK A HANDFUL OF PILLS PROBABLY ASPRIN AND DRANK HALF A BOTTLE OF WINE AND WOKE UP. I ONLY TOLD ONE PERSON WHO I SWORE TO SILENCE AND I SOUGHT NO PROFESSIONAL HELP. SEVERAL YEARS
LATER A SECOND SUICIDE ATTEMPT LANDED ME A STRETCH IN THE STATE MENTAL HOSPITAL.

I WAS LOCKED IN A PADDED ROOM FOR SEVERAL DAYS AND NIGHTS – ALONE AND AFRAID.
I WAS TALKED TO BY THE NURSES AND STAFF AS IF I WERE A RAGING LUNATIC. I WAS NOT CRAZY I WAS JUST DEEPLY DEPRESSED AND FELT EXTREMELY SAD. THERE WERE OTHER YOUNG PEOPLE THAT I SAW THERE WHO WERE SUFFERING JUST LIKE ME. I WEPT FOR THEM EVEN THOUGH I NEEDED HELP MYSELF.

I HAVE SINCE BEEN TREATED COUNTLESS TIMES IN EMERGENCY ROOMS FOR COUNSELING, REFERRALS, AND PRESCRIBED MANY DIFFERENT MEDICATIONS BOTH FOR DEPRESSION AND SCHIZOPHRENIA OVER THE YEARS. MOST OF THIS HAS BEEN DONE VERY QUIETLY WITHOUT THE KNOWLEDGE OF FRIENDS AND FAMILY. I CHOSE TO KEEP QUIET BECAUSE I HAD OFTEN HEARD FRIENDS MAKE AWFUL COMMENTS ABOUT THE MENTALLY ILL. IT MAKES ME FEEL SAD BECAUSE OF THEIR IGNORANCE AND HOW I WOULD MOST LIKELY BE THE NEXT TARGET OF THIS ABUSE FROM THE HANDS AND MOUTHS OF PEOPLE I HAVE LOVED FOR MOST OF MY LIFE.

MY LATEST MENTAL HEALTH RELAPSE HAS LASTED FOR THE PAST TWO YEARS. IT CAUSED ME TO GO INTO A PROFOUND SOCIAL WITHDRAWAL AND PARANOIA. I STOPPED COMMUNICATING WITH
THE MAJORITY OF PEOPLE I KNEW AND WERE VERY CLOSE WITH FOR MOST OF THIS TIME.
I AM CURRENTLY EXITING FROM IT WITH THE HELP OF COUNSELING – NO MEDS THOUGH THEY HAVE BEEN PRESCRIBED. TO NOT RESTART MEDS IS JUST MY CHOICE AT THIS TIME.
I AM OPEN TO IT IF I CANNOT RECOVER BETTER IN MY OWN WAY AND IN MY OWN TIME AS I FEEL COMFORTABLE IN DOING SO. I DO NOT ENCOURAGE OTHERS TO FOLLOW ME ON THIS DECISION.
EACH INDIVIDUAL MOST CONSIDER THAT AND CHOOSE WHAT WILL BE IN THEIR BEST INTEREST.

NOW THAT I AM BEGINNING TO FEEL BETTER I FIND MYSELF ASHAMED OF THE WAY I DISAPPEARED FROM FRIENDS AND I REALIZE THAT THEY TOO ARE FEELING VERY BADLY NOT KNOWING WHY I SUDDENLY STOPPED HAVING ANYTHING TO DO WITH THEM.

IT IS AFTER MUCH DELIBERATION I HAVE MADE A POWERFUL DECISION THAT MAY AFFECT THE REST OF MY LIFE. AFTER SPEAKING WITH MY THERAPIST ABOUT DROPPING OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH TO MANY FRIENDS AND RELATIVES FOR ALL THIS TIME I HAVE DECIDED TO COME OUT. IT WILL BE IN A WAY THAT I FEEL MOST COMFORTABLE AND AT THE SAME TIME PROVIDE SOME ANSWERS AS TO WHY I LEFT THEM ALONE SUDDENLY WITH NO WORD AND NO WARNING.

I HAVE ELECTED TO EDIT MY REVELATION FOR NOW AS TO NOT OVERWHELM THEM AND INTRODUCE DEPRESSION AS MY DISABILITY. SOME OF YOU MAY NOT AGREE AND FEEL I SHOULD
COME OUT BLAZING WITH BOTH BARRELS – HOWEVER IT IS AN INDIVIDUAL CHOICE FOR EACH ONE AND YOU SHOULD, I FEEL, IN WISDOM NEVER PUT OUT MORE THAN YOU CAN TAKE BACK NOR SHOULD YOU GIVE OTHERS MORE THAN WHAT THEY ARE ABLE TO RECEIVE.

IN TIME I WILL SHARE MORE I DO BELIEVE BUT THIS IS MY STARTING POINT AND MY CHRISTMAS GIFT TO MYSELF. I CHOOSE “THE FREEDOM” TO STOP HIDING AND TRYING TO EXPLAIN OR LET OTHERS SPECULATE – THOSE CLOSEST TO ME WHO DO NOT KNOW MY DIAGNOSIS OF WHOM I
AM ENCLOSING THIS SPECIAL “LOVE NOTE” IN THEIR CHRISTMAS CARDS – AS TO WHY I SOMETIMES IN THEIR OPINION SEEM “STRANGE” TO THEM AT TIMES.

I WOULD ADVISE ANYONE PLANNING TO DO THIS TO FIRST TALK TO YOUR THERAPIST, FRIENDS
WHO SUPPORT YOU OR ARE ALSO DEALING WITH THIS VERY SPECIAL CHALLENGE TO GET SUPPORT AND TO GET A GAME PLAN. IN THE END YOU ARE DOING THIS FOR YOURSELF AND IF THEY REALLY LOVE YOU – YOU ARE DOING THIS FOR THOSE WHO NEED TO KNOW SO THEY CAN KNOW HOW TO BETTER SUPPORT AND RELATE TO YOU. AS FRIENDS AND FAMILY GOING THROUGH ANY CHALLENGE; BANKRUPTCY, DIVORCE, DIABETES, HYPERTENSION, ETC.
WE ALL NEED EACH OTHER AND NEED TO KNOW HOW TO BEST DO SO. AFTER ALL WE
ARE ONLY HUMAN.

I HOPE THIS POST WILL HELP SOMEONE OUT THERE IN SOME WAY…PLEASE LEAVE A MESSAGE AND LET ME KNOW IF IT HAS. I WILL IN TURN – AS LONG AS THIS POST IS UP – “CHECK IN”
AND LET YOU KNOW HOW THIS YEARS HOLIDAY EVENTS AND REVELATIONS WENT FOR ME.
ALSO IF ANY ONE IS AWARE OF ANY GREAT CHAT SITES OR ONLINE SUPPORT GROUPS FOR
SCHIZOPHRENIA AND/OR DEPRESSION PLEASE LET ME KNOW.

THANKS,
DAVID

What is more important here hooking you on the thought that these mind altering drugs are going to fix you, heal or cure you, is never heard. I managed beginning in 04 to look at all this and went through many emotions, even seeing a formeer shrink in 06 who told me I was never bipolar. I lost 14 years and credibility, cause if a shrink says you’re crazy, you are right? My children ex, my home, my Mom, , my civil rights, untiold monies, my self worth was lost to me, as my family chose isolation. No one should go through what I did, yet it happens. I lost that trusting depenednt persona, and healed using natural suppliments, I am uniquely different, a superhyersensative person, which I have been all my life, and
guard my freedom, and happiness. When I became open to the positive aspects beauty life and love found me. And now I council others, through CCHR.

We are all worthy, and accepting that you are less than, is not right. Who descides what defines normal?

How do we create more understanding in the general population?