All I want is someone that could love me because I’ve proved to myself over the years despite what happened to me that I can be loyal and very loving to someone else precisely because I understand the feeling of loneliness and I can’t bare to let other people feel it, although finding someone like that for me is harder to achieve than it is to say, hence things are still just as lonely and I’ve quite recently given up on the very idea as a delusion in its self. The three relationships I had weren’t bad but they had their moments although the memories i have no longer seem real, like they’re a dream or someone else’s story that I am remembering instead.

I just wanted to put this out there, I don’t care who reads it, this is just the tiny bit of hope I know I still have although I keep telling myself its useless; 18 years of loneliness, anyone else?

Sure it was x100 better than going for a coffee with my mom, because if I do that I know people are looking at me thinking is that his mom or his older GF?
I haven’t been with mom to a restaurant for about 8yrs, its just too nerve racking for me.

Kal can I share something else with you buddy, im NOT a religious guy at all really, I believe in evolution, but I think God gave me this date and potential GF. I have prayed to god for the last 3mnts, (even though I don’t really believe in him) and have told god in my prayers, I don’t care about getting rich, I don’t care if my stocks go up, I don’t care if I have a good profitable day at my business, all I want is a GF, is that so much to ask for god.

I seriously said this prayer every day for months and than this woman from this dating website wants to chat to me, just out of the blue, I know its probably coincidence, but it could also be a miracle. To me getting a date is a miracle, and that she actually turned up and WASENT some fat woman in a wheelchair was a bonus,lol

what I liked most about this date, was when I paid for both of us , it made me feel like a man, for the 1st time in my life, im serious KAL, no one,not my mom especially, not my boss, NO ONE has let me be a real man, but when I paid for coffee for the both of us, it made me feel masculine for the first time in my life.
You can comprehend this right KAL, you know what im getting at right?
This woman trusted me because she got in the car with me as well, that made me feel masculine as well, she didn’t know that im really guy but just shy, for all she knew I could have been a serial killer (im not of course) I like that she trusted me.
I wanted to hold hands with her, but I was too shy to try, but at the end when I dropped her off near her house I leaned over and kissed her on the cheek once.

I know this must sound like something trivial, and it is, don’t forget im 32yrs old and this was the 1st date of my life.

Sorry to have bored you with my writing KAL, I hope you have as good a week as is possible for you, take care man.

Your never gonna believe this, I have a DATE, its 4pm where I am now and im supposed to meet her in a café at 6.30pm, she is Asian but I “met” her online, she has a photo of me, yes I am nervous.

You know what the weird part is, wanting to go on a date is what ive wanted the most, im 32 and never been on a date before, but every time I think about me and her in a café, its like I couldn’t be bothered, part of me WANTS TO BE A LONER!!!
I know this is insane, 50% of me wants a GF and to have someone, but the other 50% of me likes to be a loner, even though I realise when my mom dies I will be 100% alone and it will be scary having no one, but its like im so set in my ways, ive been a loner since I was 3yrs old.

What should I do, I will meet this woman, shes 29yrs old for a coffee, because I would feel bad standing her up, but I really couldn’t be bothered trying to get a GF and trying to be a nice guy, I think im just gonna meet her once and that’s it.
KAL I hope you at least try to understand me.

Why do I feel this way?

Why is it when im alone and isolated I want a GF and a date so bad, but when I have a date set up (for the 1st time time in my life) im not even that excited and I couldn’t be bothered going anyway. There will be other people in the café and I hate crowds, she told me what shell be wearing and she is Asian, from her photos she is about a 6.5/10 (when im looking at her photo and im horny,lol) she is about a 5.5/10 when I looking at her photo and im NOT horny)

WHY AM I LIKE THIS??
Is it just because im so set in my ways and im so used to being isolated from normal relationships that im scared and couldn’t be bothered going for a coffee with this woman?

Should I FIGHT it and try my hardest to be nice and friendly?
and fight my desire to just be a loner forever.
Even though I might not form a sexual relationship with her, at least I can ask her to the movies next week, that’s better than nothing isn’t it?

Any advice KAL or anyone.
Kal I hope your hanging in there.

I know from my experience that my mom was too close & controlling and it really screwed me up in alot of ways that I’m still trying to fix. One of those ways is having real attachment problems with other people since it was always only ever me and my mother, alone on our own. Maybe this has affected you as well in your own life?

I dunno, phone lines suck you’re right about that but maybe they can suggest someone to help you in person?

At least you still have your parents to live with, that’s what concerns me most about my life, I only have a mom, shes still health but shes in her 60’s, when she dies I will be completely alone, I have a cousin but I only talk to her 3 times a yr and only very small talk , she dosent even know I have no friends and that ive never had a GF, I fear of what will become of me when mom does, ill be completely alone with my thoughts and my problems, I can call one of those mens help lines but every time you can there is a different person on the other end so every day you have to explain your life history to a new person in those mens help phone lines.

all the best anway 86, try to think what u do have not what u don’t have.

I live in a city if 2million and im a loner.

I do have a full time job as a courier but I never make any friends, when I do talk to people its always about business or sign here have a nice day.

I do dream of touching a woman, of running my hands through her hair, and not because im paying her but because she is my GF, ive never had that in my life, id rather have a pretty GF than win the lotto, I would treat her so well and care for her etc…unfortunately im socially akward and im a recluse, and woman scare me to be honest, asking a woman out, id rather walk into a lions cage or pick up a snake than ask a woman out.

Maybe its meant to be.

have a nice day and try not to think about what you DONT have, think about what u do have.
I have NO friends, NO GF, but I do have a full time job, I do have a car, I do have an apartment, so I try to think about what I do have, even though it helps less and less every day.

I just so wish to have a GF I can love and care for and touch and cuddle, im so sad right now, but I must go on.

I sense a lot of anger in you, how do I know because I was the same, I still sort of am the same but I have learnt to control my thinking.

Anytime someone I don’t like the look of starts talking to me, I just try my best and smile and nod my head, I used to get angry and start saying what do u want etc… but I have learnt me getting angry MAKES ME ANGRY, I have learnt to stay calm.

What depressed socially anxious people who have no friends like me need to do is stay calm, what angers me most is when I see happy couples walking along holding hands, but I have learnt in my mind to instead of saying to myself I hate them etc.. I say to myself I force myself to think, what a lovely couple,. they must be happy, I wish I could find a pretty lady like that to be my GF, and that’s it.

I find staying calm and not getting upset is the best strategy.

Amazing with you, you say your problems are caused by LACK OF LOVE in your family.

Im the opposite I believe.

My mother loved me too much, she always wrapped me up in cotton wool, never let me walk home alone , always opened the car door for me,etc…
I guess on the other hand I never had a MALE father figure, not even a step dad that could teach me how to make friends or talk to women, I was never molested or anything, but I was bullied at high school, yr 9, 11,12 were the worst, that probably made my social anxiety even worse.
have a nice day