Comments on: Social Isolation and Mental Illness /2006/05/15/anti-stigmatization-social-isolation-and-mental-illness/ Health and Science Blog Covering Brain Topics Sat, 29 Dec 2018 04:00:22 +0000 hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.0.3 By: Greg Kinard /2006/05/15/anti-stigmatization-social-isolation-and-mental-illness/#comment-884497 Fri, 30 May 2014 05:39:00 +0000 http://blog.gnif.org/?p=510#comment-884497 As a sufferer of Bi-Polar and Sckitzo-effective disorder, it really derailed me that so many people wish to be known to care… When they don’t – How about leave me alone. You took my wife, my hope of kids, and now my livelihood… leaving me with no hope. And you want to make nice? So you can say, “I am friends with the mentally ill? I don’t get your love Nor your respect… Don’t give me a cookie that’s made with “Crushed Glass” – Greg Kinard

]]> By: England /2006/05/15/anti-stigmatization-social-isolation-and-mental-illness/#comment-884492 Tue, 27 May 2014 18:21:00 +0000 http://blog.gnif.org/?p=510#comment-884492 When I was very little, about 2-3 when I started pre-school I remember feeling very lonely from the start although I was told by my parents I was excitable and friendly as a child. I don’t remember ever being that way, ever since that time I was isolated and relentlessly bullied by everyone in the school up to year 6 until I moved to a school closer to home. When I got there the bullying wasn’t as bad to begin with because I could start again but I made a few friends who stuck with me through high school, I was very shy and already suffering anxiety and depression because of my previous experience. Even though the bullying was much worse in upper school I still had those people and made more friends there. I still felt very lonely and depression hit me hard a few times making it hard to keep those friends but my loyalty to them paid off. Apparently they weren’t so loyal though as when I left half way through my A levels to get a job (after a breakdown) they all stopped talking to me and seemed completely uninterested in me; it was at that point that I just felt angry and betrayed by all those people I had quite literally been beaten up for and I was left on my own for a long time. Even now because of all this I have become lonelier and lonelier to the point that i realized i wasn’t “used to it” like I once said, in fact i was just in denial and its more painful and harder to bare now. So, i’m pretty sure I understand the entire reason/trauma or whatever that led to me feeling so lonely but its the fixing it that I cant seem to do.

All I want is someone that could love me because I’ve proved to myself over the years despite what happened to me that I can be loyal and very loving to someone else precisely because I understand the feeling of loneliness and I can’t bare to let other people feel it, although finding someone like that for me is harder to achieve than it is to say, hence things are still just as lonely and I’ve quite recently given up on the very idea as a delusion in its self. The three relationships I had weren’t bad but they had their moments although the memories i have no longer seem real, like they’re a dream or someone else’s story that I am remembering instead.

I just wanted to put this out there, I don’t care who reads it, this is just the tiny bit of hope I know I still have although I keep telling myself its useless; 18 years of loneliness, anyone else?

]]> By: ethan /2006/05/15/anti-stigmatization-social-isolation-and-mental-illness/#comment-876459 Wed, 30 Apr 2014 21:56:30 +0000 http://blog.gnif.org/?p=510#comment-876459 i need some ideas for a blog. i already do poems and surveys on it but i wanna talk about something..

]]> By: cc /2006/05/15/anti-stigmatization-social-isolation-and-mental-illness/#comment-787617 Wed, 26 Mar 2014 06:26:30 +0000 http://blog.gnif.org/?p=510#comment-787617 I had 12 siblings, who often used me as entertainment and would stare and tease me till I cried and then they would laugh. Not that it was their fault, our parents were non existent in our lives. I was never once told I was loved as a little girl. Was never tucked into bed. Never got a “atta girl” for bringing home straight A’s. The emotional pain I feel has only gotten worse over the years. I have read every psychology book related to childhood trauma I could, and I have tried many kinds of therapy as well, including EMDR. My therapist is amazed at the depth of understanding I have as it relates to my own abuse and how it has and continues to negatively impact my life. However, even with the insight I have, it seems I am just more and more isolated and feeling no desire for much human interaction. I have one grown daughter and 2 darling grandsons I see about once a week. I too love to do crafts of all kinds. Lately I’ve been crocheting. I abuse drugs and have most of my adult life because it’s the only thing I have. I feel very misunderstood and have often wondered why when people have a physical illness everyone gives them sympathy, and wants to take care of them, but when someone has a severe emotional or mental illness, which is causes them profound suffering, everyone shuns them or calls them nuts, losers, drug addicts….which just makes the BPD worse and the pain deeper and hurt even more. Today I was doing a Google search trying to find out why when I have a deep understanding into my traumas, how they affected my life and actually an above average understanding of early childhood and brain development, why is it I still can’t heal and really to be honest, I’m getting worse. About a year ago I moved into an apartment ALONE. I had never lived alone before in my life (I’m 53), but I could no longer cope with people, whether it was my ex psychopathic husband or my multiple family members, who don’t know the meaning of love and have abused me my whole life. If I did not use drugs, I swear I would be locked in a padded room. I CANNOT COPE WITHOUT THE DRUGS. I have tried, and tried and tried, and it’s like I don’t even have the desire to interact with humans anymore (except for my daughter and grandson’s as I mentioned above). I try and stay connected to my faith in the holy spirit, I’ve been in and out of therapy for years. And quite frankly, when I read about the damage being ignored and abused as a child causes to one’s brain, I really question if I am able to heal. Living alone ….I love it! I can do whatever I want without considering anyone else, so I have chosen to use drugs and do art work. The depths of sorrow I would feel if I had to face the lonely wasteland my life has become…I just cannot accept how abandoned, lost and unloved I have always been. I have a “plan” to try and start a health regiment this spring and try and loose some weight. Maybe that will jump start some spark back into my soul…..but all I can do right now is one day at a time…..and sometimes I don’t even handle that very well. I recently read that BPD is the among the worst of mental illnesses, and most definitely the most painful, and very often they are the most rejected by society. Thanks society, I really appreciate that!

]]> By: Deanna /2006/05/15/anti-stigmatization-social-isolation-and-mental-illness/#comment-786253 Tue, 04 Mar 2014 06:27:41 +0000 http://blog.gnif.org/?p=510#comment-786253 Hi wow have been having a bad down day.. I hate the person I have become in this world. Feels like every day is so dark.. I can relate to everything written in the article I have suffered from severe depression for years but has got much worse over the past 5 years to the point things have broken down so much in my life that I am homeless.
I am on a few different meds but just now have never looked up things that are part of my depression and one thing I have always done is Isolate myself from the world I have never found anyone who I can relate to or trust in to talk to not even in the mental health industry so this in itself hasn’t been much help as my Dr just keeps changing my dosages and then changes my meds again etc nothing is pin pointed or rounded up and makes me feel like im not in control as Im not sure what the hell is going on with me… thanks for the article I found it good to read something I can relate to now just to find the other pieces to the puzzle so I can just become happy n do normal every day things n be with my family again 🙂 seems like that day will never come.

]]> By: jake /2006/05/15/anti-stigmatization-social-isolation-and-mental-illness/#comment-784151 Mon, 10 Feb 2014 07:44:38 +0000 http://blog.gnif.org/?p=510#comment-784151 Hi KAL, I went on that date with that Asian woman I found online, I was nervous be to my surprise I talked with her for a whole 1hr, and there were lots of people around, id rate her about a 6.5/10 so she ISNT hot, but she is not ugly either, she is slim so that’s at least a “bonus”, to be honest I thought going on a date would be extremely exciting, but in fact it wasent really as good as I thought it was gonna be.

Sure it was x100 better than going for a coffee with my mom, because if I do that I know people are looking at me thinking is that his mom or his older GF?
I haven’t been with mom to a restaurant for about 8yrs, its just too nerve racking for me.

Kal can I share something else with you buddy, im NOT a religious guy at all really, I believe in evolution, but I think God gave me this date and potential GF. I have prayed to god for the last 3mnts, (even though I don’t really believe in him) and have told god in my prayers, I don’t care about getting rich, I don’t care if my stocks go up, I don’t care if I have a good profitable day at my business, all I want is a GF, is that so much to ask for god.

I seriously said this prayer every day for months and than this woman from this dating website wants to chat to me, just out of the blue, I know its probably coincidence, but it could also be a miracle. To me getting a date is a miracle, and that she actually turned up and WASENT some fat woman in a wheelchair was a bonus,lol

what I liked most about this date, was when I paid for both of us , it made me feel like a man, for the 1st time in my life, im serious KAL, no one,not my mom especially, not my boss, NO ONE has let me be a real man, but when I paid for coffee for the both of us, it made me feel masculine for the first time in my life.
You can comprehend this right KAL, you know what im getting at right?
This woman trusted me because she got in the car with me as well, that made me feel masculine as well, she didn’t know that im really guy but just shy, for all she knew I could have been a serial killer (im not of course) I like that she trusted me.
I wanted to hold hands with her, but I was too shy to try, but at the end when I dropped her off near her house I leaned over and kissed her on the cheek once.

I know this must sound like something trivial, and it is, don’t forget im 32yrs old and this was the 1st date of my life.

Sorry to have bored you with my writing KAL, I hope you have as good a week as is possible for you, take care man.

]]> By: Kal /2006/05/15/anti-stigmatization-social-isolation-and-mental-illness/#comment-784136 Sun, 09 Feb 2014 22:21:49 +0000 http://blog.gnif.org/?p=510#comment-784136 You’re probably used to being a loner like you said…? I know I am, I have to fight the urge to isolate because I feel so ashamed and self hating and just out-of-synch/slow around people since I was a kid. It depends which part of you you want to listen to…the part that wants relationships with people or the part that wants to isolate & be a loner, which you want more. Congrats on getting a date.

]]> By: jake /2006/05/15/anti-stigmatization-social-isolation-and-mental-illness/#comment-783990 Sat, 08 Feb 2014 06:51:09 +0000 http://blog.gnif.org/?p=510#comment-783990 Hi KAL

Your never gonna believe this, I have a DATE, its 4pm where I am now and im supposed to meet her in a café at 6.30pm, she is Asian but I “met” her online, she has a photo of me, yes I am nervous.

You know what the weird part is, wanting to go on a date is what ive wanted the most, im 32 and never been on a date before, but every time I think about me and her in a café, its like I couldn’t be bothered, part of me WANTS TO BE A LONER!!!
I know this is insane, 50% of me wants a GF and to have someone, but the other 50% of me likes to be a loner, even though I realise when my mom dies I will be 100% alone and it will be scary having no one, but its like im so set in my ways, ive been a loner since I was 3yrs old.

What should I do, I will meet this woman, shes 29yrs old for a coffee, because I would feel bad standing her up, but I really couldn’t be bothered trying to get a GF and trying to be a nice guy, I think im just gonna meet her once and that’s it.
KAL I hope you at least try to understand me.

Why do I feel this way?

Why is it when im alone and isolated I want a GF and a date so bad, but when I have a date set up (for the 1st time time in my life) im not even that excited and I couldn’t be bothered going anyway. There will be other people in the café and I hate crowds, she told me what shell be wearing and she is Asian, from her photos she is about a 6.5/10 (when im looking at her photo and im horny,lol) she is about a 5.5/10 when I looking at her photo and im NOT horny)

WHY AM I LIKE THIS??
Is it just because im so set in my ways and im so used to being isolated from normal relationships that im scared and couldn’t be bothered going for a coffee with this woman?

Should I FIGHT it and try my hardest to be nice and friendly?
and fight my desire to just be a loner forever.
Even though I might not form a sexual relationship with her, at least I can ask her to the movies next week, that’s better than nothing isn’t it?

Any advice KAL or anyone.
Kal I hope your hanging in there.

]]> By: Kal /2006/05/15/anti-stigmatization-social-isolation-and-mental-illness/#comment-783842 Sun, 02 Feb 2014 00:01:22 +0000 http://blog.gnif.org/?p=510#comment-783842 I want to rant more, the last couple posts sounded too much like me….I don’t care who reads, I’m tired of being Caspar the friendly ghost. I never had a dad, even when I visited him once a week after my parents split he was always a complete stranger. A guy should have a guy to show him how to be a guy, if he doesn’t he could turn out weak and crazy from fear like me. Mothers can suck you dry and not even know they’re doing it, they might think they’re protecting you but they’re really just cutting your balls off, using you. If you model yourself on a woman and you’re a guy no wonder you get mental problems, I can’t describe the damage. My parent’s weren’t mature enough to have kids, I’m starting to think that’s most adults now. Its not fair to give your kids your pain, you should know who you actually are before you pass it down to the next generation…don’t just have kids cause that’s what everyone else is doing! I don’t get how they’re can be SO many broken families now and yet something that basic isn’t grasped….why are you people so completely insane? They put it all on people like us but I know the truth- you got no idea, you’re all asleep at the wheel & can’t see whats coming. How are you supposed to be a healthy strong man if your legs get knocked out from under you as a kid? Limping through life is as much fun as it sounds. I’m so f*cking flabbergasted at this mess, this mess most of you have like willed yourselves not to see, this merry-go-round. I wanna break your godd@mn screen phones & scream in your faces.

]]> By: Jocko /2006/05/15/anti-stigmatization-social-isolation-and-mental-illness/#comment-783841 Sat, 01 Feb 2014 23:10:59 +0000 http://blog.gnif.org/?p=510#comment-783841 I dunno if that’s real love Jake, that sounds like a narcissistic parent sucking her son dry to fill the hole in her soul, i mean going by what you’ve said elsewhere on here and your future attachment problems with people. If it was love would she have messed you up so bad…?

]]> By: Kal /2006/05/15/anti-stigmatization-social-isolation-and-mental-illness/#comment-783697 Sun, 26 Jan 2014 06:16:35 +0000 http://blog.gnif.org/?p=510#comment-783697 Hi Jake, Its great you have a job & a car. That seems alot to a person like me, you’re taking care of yourself at least. You are right about not focusing on what you don’t have too, that’s true. Its hard to let go of old stuff though, part of me likes feeling just horrible and its been in charge for a long time.

I know from my experience that my mom was too close & controlling and it really screwed me up in alot of ways that I’m still trying to fix. One of those ways is having real attachment problems with other people since it was always only ever me and my mother, alone on our own. Maybe this has affected you as well in your own life?

I dunno, phone lines suck you’re right about that but maybe they can suggest someone to help you in person?

]]> By: jake /2006/05/15/anti-stigmatization-social-isolation-and-mental-illness/#comment-783691 Sat, 25 Jan 2014 08:30:23 +0000 http://blog.gnif.org/?p=510#comment-783691 86, I feel your pain, if you’ve read any of my previous comments youll know about my pain in life.

At least you still have your parents to live with, that’s what concerns me most about my life, I only have a mom, shes still health but shes in her 60’s, when she dies I will be completely alone, I have a cousin but I only talk to her 3 times a yr and only very small talk , she dosent even know I have no friends and that ive never had a GF, I fear of what will become of me when mom does, ill be completely alone with my thoughts and my problems, I can call one of those mens help lines but every time you can there is a different person on the other end so every day you have to explain your life history to a new person in those mens help phone lines.

all the best anway 86, try to think what u do have not what u don’t have.

]]> By: jake /2006/05/15/anti-stigmatization-social-isolation-and-mental-illness/#comment-783690 Sat, 25 Jan 2014 08:23:04 +0000 http://blog.gnif.org/?p=510#comment-783690 hi KAL
that last part of your writing is exactly how I feel.

I live in a city if 2million and im a loner.

I do have a full time job as a courier but I never make any friends, when I do talk to people its always about business or sign here have a nice day.

I do dream of touching a woman, of running my hands through her hair, and not because im paying her but because she is my GF, ive never had that in my life, id rather have a pretty GF than win the lotto, I would treat her so well and care for her etc…unfortunately im socially akward and im a recluse, and woman scare me to be honest, asking a woman out, id rather walk into a lions cage or pick up a snake than ask a woman out.

Maybe its meant to be.

have a nice day and try not to think about what you DONT have, think about what u do have.
I have NO friends, NO GF, but I do have a full time job, I do have a car, I do have an apartment, so I try to think about what I do have, even though it helps less and less every day.

I just so wish to have a GF I can love and care for and touch and cuddle, im so sad right now, but I must go on.

]]> By: jake /2006/05/15/anti-stigmatization-social-isolation-and-mental-illness/#comment-783689 Sat, 25 Jan 2014 08:14:15 +0000 http://blog.gnif.org/?p=510#comment-783689 Hi Karen

I sense a lot of anger in you, how do I know because I was the same, I still sort of am the same but I have learnt to control my thinking.

Anytime someone I don’t like the look of starts talking to me, I just try my best and smile and nod my head, I used to get angry and start saying what do u want etc… but I have learnt me getting angry MAKES ME ANGRY, I have learnt to stay calm.

What depressed socially anxious people who have no friends like me need to do is stay calm, what angers me most is when I see happy couples walking along holding hands, but I have learnt in my mind to instead of saying to myself I hate them etc.. I say to myself I force myself to think, what a lovely couple,. they must be happy, I wish I could find a pretty lady like that to be my GF, and that’s it.

I find staying calm and not getting upset is the best strategy.

]]> By: jake /2006/05/15/anti-stigmatization-social-isolation-and-mental-illness/#comment-783688 Sat, 25 Jan 2014 08:04:49 +0000 http://blog.gnif.org/?p=510#comment-783688 Hi ive just read your comment on that brainblogger website

Amazing with you, you say your problems are caused by LACK OF LOVE in your family.

Im the opposite I believe.

My mother loved me too much, she always wrapped me up in cotton wool, never let me walk home alone , always opened the car door for me,etc…
I guess on the other hand I never had a MALE father figure, not even a step dad that could teach me how to make friends or talk to women, I was never molested or anything, but I was bullied at high school, yr 9, 11,12 were the worst, that probably made my social anxiety even worse.
have a nice day

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